Not being married, I often wonder what my future has in store for me. I imagine a beautiful, hardworking, unselfish, Christ like wife. My future wife can have all of these qualities, but that does not mean we won’t fight, disagree, or be frustrated with one another. These reasons don’t entitle me to a divorce. This life is a learning process for everyone and the value of having a companion to work through the hard times and enjoy the good times is priceless. My goal is to find this woman (future wife) and do my best to support her and our children. For those of us who are not yet married, we need to do our part in searching for our other half.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks (Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) (May 2007). Divorce. Ensign
“I speak briefly to those contemplating marriage. The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through “hanging out” or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.”
We live in a world where half of all marriages end in divorce or separation. First, know I am NOT here to try and tell everyone if you have been divorced you should have worked harder to fix a broken relationship. I think there are a few circumstances when divorce is appropriate, but for the majority of us, if we focus on serving our spouse and look to the Lord to help the struggling relationship, weaknesses can become strengths. Elder Oaks goes on to say, “Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce reported being happily married five years later.” Divorce has happened and will continue to happen, but if you are considering divorce, ponder and put into practice this advice from Elder Dallin H. Oaks.
“If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.”
He continues by explaining how a man and woman should act to be compatible.
“To avoid so-called “incompatibility,” they should be best friends, kind and considerate, sensitive to each other’s needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things.”
Overall, from other readings and especially Elder Dallin H. Oaks, I have learned marriage between a man and a woman is essential. In the bonds of marriage we have the blessing to bare children and raise them in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is evident that when being raised by a father and mother who are trying to become like Christ, the family as a whole, is happier and understand their purpose on earth. I know God gives us challenges, but when I am married to that wonderful woman I will be glad I get to go through them with her. Whether single, married, divorced, or thinking of divorce, the Atonement of Christ can help and heal us all.
Here is a 3 minute clip from an Address Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave on May 2007. (The above quotes are from this address.)
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