What would marriage be like if you and your spouse did not do anything for each other? How would your relationship be if you never served each other or strived to know of the others life? There would be no relationship, let alone love. Often times people live together and see each other every day and don’t know what one another’s goals, hopes, or dreams are. It is important to take time to understand one another and do it often because times change in a married couple’s life.
Young couples and or young single adults like me often think after finding the love of our life and getting married, everything will be great forever. Marriage is combining two minds and wants into one. When children are born or finances are ruff, even strong relationships can suffer. It is important to love your spouse, but loving them is more than just a word. It is understanding them and knowing their wants and desires. John M Gottman explains how happy couples know one another.
“The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman
“Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. I call this having a richly detailed love map, my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life. Another way of saying this is that these couples have made plenty of cognitive room for their marriage. They remember the major events in each other’s history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change. When she orders him a salad, she knows to ask for his dressing on the side. If she works late, he’ll tape her favorite TV show because he knows which one it is and when it’s on. HE could tell you how she’s feeling about her boss, and exactly how to get to her office from the elevator. He knows that religion is important to her but that deep down she has doubts. She knows that he fears being too much like his father and considers himself a “free spirit.” They know each other’s goals in life, each other’s worries, each other’s hopes. “
As stated before, I am not married, but I would love to have a relationship where my wife and I knew each other so well. What a great feeling it is to know someone knows you like you know yourself and has taken the time to understand you.
When I was younger, I had a birthday party. My brothers came over and gave me gifts. One of my brothers bought me a solar powered toy boat. I was surprised first of all and then I had this tremendous joy come over me. Joy, not because I wanted that specific toy, but he knew what I liked and made an effort to get what interested me. I want to have that feeling when my wife remembers things that I like or knows what my passions are. I want her to feel every day how I felt that day at my birthday party. As I take time to understand her and be aware of how she feels, I hope I can become a better husband. Take time to get to know your spouse as you did when you first met each other.
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