Often times in my young teenage years, my mother would ask me if I wanted to go to the store with her. Most of the time I was tired or wanted to relax and watch TV after a long day of school and sports. It wasn’t that I didn’t have time; I just really did not enjoy shopping all the time.
With time I would go a little more. Some stores my mom needed to go to were in dangerous parts of town and she wanted me to go to help her feel safe. There were times when my mom would ask and I would think, not really wanting to go, and she said it was okay. I just let her go alone. This blog consists of marriage, why would I be talking about my mother and me?
I have learned a life lesson about marriage through this experience. The times I went with my mother to the store were enjoyable and I learned more about her than I knew prior. The times she went alone, I was choosing my relaxation time over my mother’s feelings.
I don’t want to ever do that to my mother again. I don’t want to tell my future wife I won’t do something just because I don’t enjoy it. If she likes doing yoga and wants me to do it with her, then I will do it with her. It builds a relationship and you show your love and dedication to her.
In the book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman, he paints a picture of how we can turn toward our spouse on a regular bases.
“Comical as it may sound, romance actually grows when a couple are in the supermarket and the wife says, “Are we out of bleach?” and the husband says, “I don’t know. Let me go get some just in case,” instead of shrugging apathetically. It grows when you know your spouse is having a bad day at work and you take sixty seconds out of your own workday to leave words of encouragement on his voice mail. It grows when your wife tells you one morning, “I had the worst nightmare last night,” and you say, “I’m in a bug hurry, but tell me about it now so we can talk about it tonight,” instead of “I don’t have time” In all of these instances husband and wife are making a choice to turn toward each other rather than away.”
I don’t think we have to be the Jones’. Honestly, the Jones’ don’t exist. There is neither a perfect family nor a perfect marriage, but I think we can have a strong foundation and relationship when we sacrifice a little of our time for the love of our life.
Is your first thought to reject an invitation from your spouse when he or she asks you to do something with him or her?
If so, turn toward him or her instead of away. Invest a little time in your relationship to build strong bonds and a lasting relationship.
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