Look Into the Mirror

Often times in my life when I struggle with someone, a friend, family member, or a random individual, I want them to change.  If I feel like they will not budge one bit, I ask our Father in Heaven to help this person change or understand they are wrong.  How wrong was I?  Actions or ways of doing things annoy me or aggravate me.  Often times it is not that a person is breaking rules or doing anything wrong, it is just different from how I would do it. Why do we expect people to change for us?  Why do we think everyone else is in the wrong?  I think we all are a little prideful and can have God mold us into better people.  My prayers to the all-powerful God should not ask to change another, but to help me see them in a different light.  I need to be the one to appreciate people for who they are like Christ did.  When we think of marriage, we might have different frustrations pop up in our mind.  Before you start reflecting on how annoyed you sometimes get with your spouse, read and ponder this quote by Goddard.

“Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage” H. Wallace Goddard

“Those of you who are careful accountants may be thinking that if 70% can’t change, what about the remaining 30% of what we don’t like that can change.  There is another intriguing irony here.  According to Gottman’s thorough research, the ONLY way to get partners to change that 30% is by enjoying them the way they are!  You can spot the irony.  When we love our partners the way they are, we don’t care if they change!  That is the very thing that liberates them to change.  Acceptance is the key to change in those areas where it is possible. 

If we accept our spouses or family and friends for whom they are, it is a win-win.  Both people are happy and it is because both people appreciated one another for who they were and as a result, changed because they love the other person.  Goddard continues in his book explaining about change and how we need to be the ones to change.

“Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage” H. Wallace Goddard

“The only way to build a truly healthy marriage is by being a truly good person-to be changed in our very natures.  President Benson said, “You do change human nature, your own human nature, if you surrender it to Christ.  Human nature can be changed here and now.  Human nature has been changed in the past.  Human nature must be changed on an enormous scale in the future, unless the world is to be drowned in its own blood.  And only Christ can change it.”

Isn’t it interesting, the knowledge we were taught from a young child still holds true as we are an adult.  “Treat others like you would like to be treated.”  Goddard quotes valuable wisdom from Wendy Watson below.

 “The best-kept secret in many marriages is the strengths spouses see in each other. . . . An interesting fact about commending your spouse is that the more you do it, the more you see in him or her to commend.”

Let’s start to change ourselves before we point the finger at our loved ones.  Let’s make our marriages about how we can improve the lives of our spouses and how we can change our view in order to see what a great person they really are.  We have our own faults.  Change what you can in your own life and by the time you do that, you are grateful for your spouse the way she/he is and or they have already changed the habits that annoyed you.  Look into the mirror instead of out the window the next time you wake up.