Being a newlywed is such an amazing time, at least that is what I have heard. You start a new life together with the love of your life. You often start a family as well. Your desires and passions are finally being met by someone who loves you for you. What happens a few weeks after your wedding day? What happens when you get back from your awesome honey moon? The real life begins and there are trials and challenges to being together rather than a single individual. Yes, there are expenses, rules, passions, and different ideas of how to raise your children, but is that all? Of course not, you have two families now. Harper, J. M. and Olsen, S. F. explained the transition wonderfully.
"Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families. Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005)
“Marrying into a family that is different from yours or has different values can be a challenge. Demonstrating humor, exercising patience, overlooking small irritations, and looking for the positive can help in dealing with differences. One woman said; When I met (his) parents…. I didn’t agree with them on religion, politics, or even on how to cook a pot roast. I really wasn’t even sure if I liked them. But then I had to remember they had raised (my husband), and I love him, so there must be something good about them. At that point, I began to enjoy their differences, and to love them, too.”
Marriage is not only difficult for the children to transition, but it is difficult for a mother and father. They have raised their children for about two decades and then in sometimes a few months they turn to talk to and ask advice to their spouse more often than their parents. This is not a one way street. Both sides are affected when these things happen. As these authors continue to write, they paint a picture of what it might look like on the other side of the spectrum.
Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families. Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005)
“Mothers-In-Law usually discover early that their daughters-in-law are not like them, and in some cases, this may be upsetting. Parents who are more enmeshed with their children hold expectations their children-in-law will be like them. A more realistic expectation is that children-in-law will bring new perspectives into the family, and the family can learn from these differences and be complemented by them. This may be especially difficult when a child marries someone who is less active or not a member, or a child marries someone who is the only member of the Church in this or her family. Parents who can work toward inclusion of a new son- or daughter-in-law and who show increased love and support have the best relationships with their married children and more influences in the lives of their grandchildren.”
We see that both parents and children are affected when two people get married. This doesn’t mean it is all bad. Positive relationships can be formed and often are. What we need to understand is how we should act when we are married or when our children are mar
ried. We need to know God has a plan for us to return to live with him some day and being the best people we can be involves marrying and creating a family together. This life is an opportunity to learn and grow, adapt and change. Let’s not think that when we get married, we are the only ones that matter. As parents, let us not think we are the ones needing to be pleased after our child’s marriage. Let us be more Christ like and create a larger family as God intended us to have.
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