Have you ever been in a situation where one person dominates the discussion, doesn’t listen to your thoughts/ideas, or won’t give you the opportunity to prove yourself? How did you feel? What did you do as a result? Now, did you have to accomplish something with that person? When one person has all the power in a relationship or in a group, the outcomes of performing a task are not as good as they could have been with the calibration of two people. Marriages often can be improved and raising children effectively if a couple works together and not against one another. Gordon B Hinckley gives wise council about an equal partnership and explains how he was able to accomplish it in his marriage.
(Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, October 2003, pp. 22, 27)
“I’ve tried to recognize my wife’s individuality, her personality, her desires, her background, her ambitions. Let her fly. Yes, let her fly! Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does…If there is anything that concerns me, it is that some men try to run their wife’s life and tell her everything she ought to do. It will not work. There will not be happiness in the lives of the children nor of the parents where the man tries to run everything and control his wife. They are partners. They are companions in this great venture that we call marriage and family life.”
As the president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, he gives wise council and practices what he preaches. In an early talk he gives more council to an effective equal partnership.
(Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, August 1992, p. 6)
“Marriage, in its truest form, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have.”
When partners are equals, they can be more effective parents. Have you had times in your life when you thought your kid was using your spouse against you to get their way? Have you been too strict with your children, wanting to protect them, to only find out they rebel more than other children? Have you given your child too much freedom without rules or guidelines and they are going down a path you don’t want them to? There needs to be balance in all things even when it comes to disciplining your children. Spencer W Kimball and Joseph F. Smith hit the nail on the head when they describe how to discipline your children.
(Spencer W. Kimball, TSWK pp. 340, 341)
“Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children…. Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him.”
(Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, p. 286)
“God forbid that there should be any of us so unwisely indulgent, so thoughtless and so shallow in our affection for our children that we dare not check them in a wayward course, in wrong-doing and in their foolish love for the things of the world more than for the things of righteousness, for fear of offending them.”
If we want to become effective parents, we first need to start with our marriage. Be equal. Although a husband and wife have different responsibilities and obligations, they should be as equals. They need to be respectful of one another and help raise the family together. As these traits are perfected, raising children will be a bit easier and more effective. Together, you and your spouse can become one and raise children who want and strive to be like Christ every day of their lives.
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